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My New Perspective or Back to My Old One

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Now that it’s Friday night, I've had 2 full days of thinking and talking.  The information has settled and the medication has begun to invade my body.

Yesterday I went to see my General Physician to update him with everything and hopefully get a listen to LG's heart. We talked about the recent developments and I laid down while he got the Doppler. He and his Intern worked together to find all three heart rates. Not too difficult now that they are very different. You see, they could always hear the atrial heart rate easily--usually a strong 140/150. But the ventricular being around 55 was nearly the same as mine so they didn’t know what they were hearing. Well yesterday they found 150 (atrial), 90 (my new resting heart beat) and a consistent 60.

Now I'm not going to freak out like OMG we're fine...and my doctor was only using the standard Doppler, not a super ultrasound machine. BUT by the time I got back out to my car I sat for a second and it came over me. A fresh hope. It at least threw me back to the positive perspective of "We can do this".

From learning of the changes about LG's lining and rate and valves, and then ALL the side effects of the Salbutamol, I lost the perspective that THIS drug WILL help. That's why I'm taking it.

Yes, it’s a step back but there IS a plan and we are following the plan.

Yes, her heart is stressed but then I take the Salbutamol to relieve the pressure, and by Jove, we'll get there.

As for me, the medication is wreaking havoc but I'm proud to say I think I'm coping well. The headache was bad this morning but I took a Tylenol. I shake like crazy and get a little short of breath when talking, and the heart is just-a-going but I WILL get her there.

I'm 17 days to 32 weeks.

I believe in the power of positive thinking, and I believe in God. Thanks to EVERYONE who has followed this so far and sent us hope and support and prayer.  I have been overwhelmed by the caring support and generosity of kind words.

Remember in my last blog I said I felt like I was in purgatory? My oldest and dearest friend simply responded with, "I'm waiting for her to live." Damn straight. ME TOO!

Friends, Family, THANK YOU for holding me up!

"It was then that I carried you."

Thanks for reading :-)

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