Have you lost a living relative?

We have had a marvelous time exploring down town Ottawa! It is incredible gorgeous and steeped in history. The one thing that humbled me is the AMOUNT of people that are celebrated at every turn. There are monuments for so many people, plaques, busts and displays honouring COUNTLESS people that made Canada Canada.

First thing this morning we took in the House of Commons tour. I remember as a kid looking at pictures of it during Social Studies. I also remember my parents watching the live broadcast from time to time. It was truly awesome to be able to see it in person. What we saw today was actually a temporary House of Commons. As luck should have it, the ENTIRE Parliament is under construction for the next 10 years! But that’s ok because they moved the entire House of Commons exactly as it was.

 We learned (or relearned) so much about our government. The tour guide told us where the dignitaries sit and why, how the general process works, and a few interesting facts. After our tour (it was only about 40 minutes) we wanted to do a self guided tour of Parliament Hill. We got a map and started out only to discover that the construction was actually blocking ALL of the monuments. We got some amazing views of the Ottawa River but that was about it! We turned around when we got to the top center of the hill.

 Before we did that, we went over to the statues of the Famous Five! I have been infatuated with these ladies since I taught them in a classroom many moons ago! Who were they? Do you know? Henrietta Muir Edwards, Nellie McClung, Louise McKinney, Irene Parlby and Emily Murphy were five Albertan women who tirelessly fought for women to be recognized as Persons and earn the right to vote in Canada. It was wonderful to explain this to the girls and take pictures with these accomplished women.

[Women are Persons!]

Between the buildings, the government, the history or war and fur trade and establishment of the country to which I am a citizen there were times I was overwhelmed. There was an entire (and large) display of only women who contributed to steps of our country and government whether they were activists, Cabinet Ministers, Governor Generals or something else!

The sheer NUMBER of people who contributed in SOME way is overwhelming and humbling. I repeat those words because I just cannot find significant enough words to convey my realization. Whether it was a big contribution or small, it ALL mattered! Everyone in the past, present and future are contributing in some way.

My favourite monument we viewed said, “The War of 1812 Monument is a lasting tribute to the courage and bravery of those who served their country and successfully defended their land from the American invasion. The monument is named ‘Triumph Through Diversity’ to underline the comined efforts of people from various walks of life who fought on land and water: a Metis fighter firing a canon, a British Army regular aiming a musket, a Canadian militiaman raising his arm in triumph, a First Nations warrior pointing to the distance, a Royal Navy sailor pulling a rope and a woman bandaging the arm of a Voltigeur.

Then we had lunch, saw a bit of boat movement at the amazing Rideau Canal/Lock and went for coffee with our friend Kendal. Kendal is in the Reserves in Alberta and was hand selected to come to Ottawa to participate in guarding The Tomb of the Unknown Solider. It was great to catch up with him and hear about his experiences!

Now after all of these amazing things that leave me amazed, why would I possibly ask if you’ve lost a living relative? Because after today I was also feeling a sad.

I have a nephew named Nick. He would be about 22. He’s my brother’s son and he joined the military after high school.

I won’t get into all the details but we have had struggles as a family. We can’t be the only one… and blended families can be hard. My brother had two of his own, and his wife had four of her own and they married to create a very cool family of 8. Things were always a bit strained; taking offence was the norm, assuming things was typical as well as telling ourselves stories—on both sides. Things weren’t handled well, admittedly. On our side we felt like we were always fighting a hypersensitive “fairness card”. Are you familiar with the fairness card? Defined by me as: having the extreme need to (and its aggressive enforcement) of keeping things completely, 100% fair for ALL kids. We felt like we were under scrutiny constantly, judged and misunderstood without an opportunity to explain ourselves nor any grace.

For about ten years it has been hurt feelings and mistrust. There has not been room for rational, calm conversation, nor do I see that being a possibility. I know I have done things to hurt their feelings, but I honestly don’t know WHAT. I can guess some of it has had to do with not being “fair” because that has been a topic of “conversation” with my brother when the kids were younger. Although I’ve been accused of it, I have never meant to in any way, shape or form…

As of today, I have a nephew in the military and my heart wishes to share this experience with him. I would love to be able to share my excitement with him in his career path, hear about his experiences, what he knows, where he’s headed – but he wants nothing to do with us – his choice my brother assures us. I also miss having a relationship with my niece, or my two step-nieces and step-nephews. Yes, I used the word “step” but that doesn’t mean I love them less!

Today as we explored, I couldn’t help but wonder what Nick was doing. I believe he is in Petawawa, which is only 150 km away. But I don’t know and it hurts.

Now that they are all mostly adults, and as it was throughout their childhoods and teen years, they have chosen that is safer not to know Kevin and I. And it hurts.

About 12 years ago, Kevin’s brother decided to exit the family entirely. Although I’ve met him two or three times, I’ve never actually gotten to know Don. And it hurts. We have a nephew named Scott who will soon be 17 and we NEVER had the chance to know him.

I know sometimes it’s better this way. Sometimes people simply just don’t get along, even if they’re family. I also know hurt people, hurt people. Humans come with baggage and often unhealthy thought processes. The only thing left to do is forgive. Forgive myself for the wrong-doings I have committed, and forgive the wrong-doings I have done against any of them. And I can miss them.

Can you relate? Do you mourn the loss of a living relative? It’s hard, isn’t it?

Colossians 3:13-14 

13 Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

xo, jmac 🌞💛