I’ve posed this question to numerous family and friends, and I’ve never gotten a solid answer. Most often after I’ve asked this question, I’m left with a thoughtful stare, a smirk or a shoulder shrug.
This question has been bugging me for some time now. Truthfully, the question came to me because of my estranged sister-in-law who deems herself a “Relationship Expert”. I find it terribly ironic she cannot have any kind of relationship with her in-laws, and hasn’t for over 6 years. The “Relationship Expert” has even gone so far as to ensure her husband has NO contact with his brother, mother or father either (regarding differences I think are manageable). I am so fortunate (insert sarcastic tone) to read her underwhelming articles in our free Wednesday newspaper from time to time, and hear her “Lady Love” segment on our Friday morning Tops 40’s station. But if her clients knew what I know, would they deem her an expert?
So what does make an expert an expert? I’m not saying if I want advice on how to please my husband in the bedroom a hooker would be the best source, but I wouldn’t be running to the virgin wallflower either.
Am I a relationship expert because I have a successful marriage? Or are Opa and Oma relationship experts because they’ve been married for 59 years this October? Or maybe I need to find someone who’s been married a number of times? They would know what works and what doesn’t, don’t you think?
Am I an expert teacher because I have a degree in Education? I wouldn’t say so.
Maybe I’m an expert parent because I gave birth to a child and am raising her. Yes, that must be it.
In fact, over the last two years I’ve realized many women who have one child do in fact consider themselves experts. Fantastic! Aren’t we always looking for an expert? It’s so hard to find someone who thinks they know everything…again, insert sarcasm.
I’ve come across numerous women who have one child, or their first child and seem to have a considerable amount of advice to give about behaviour, potty training, manners, eating habits and nutrition, sleep patterns, symptoms of illness and many other topics that just don’t come to mind at the moment. On the other hand, I know couples with three and four children and whenever I’ve asked them a question about anything above, the standard answer seemed to be, “I don’t know”. At first I thought, you’ve had four children and you don’t have any advice about potty training?? That seemed weird to me, but I must admit I appreciate their modesty and position. I was even told by my friend, “Do what works until it doesn’t”. That was a far cry from the list of do’s and don’ts from the other parents.
So the parents with more children, who you’d assume to be experts, aren’t. Interesting…
So, again I ask: What makes an expert an expert?!?!
An expert might be about practice and success rate. If it is, how do you measure that? One year? Five years? 15? 51% success? 75%? That’s pretty subjective.
Maybe if one reads a lot of books about one topic they would be an expert? I suppose someone who has read all the Harry Potter books and seen all the movies would be an expert.
Maybe “Expert” is a self appointed title? Does it seem a little vain to anyone other than me?
It has also made me extremely aware of the sources on the internet. Looking for information about anything now makes me leery of who put it up there. For example, look at me! I have a blog ;) Whether the information is about how to save my marriage, lose weight, or where to go for vacation, I keep it in perspective and still have to use my own noggin to make up my mind. No matter who says they’re an expert.
What makes an expert an expert?
It seems to be a personal choice of comfort and expectation. I think, generally, one would consider an expert to be older than them. Or at least someone with higher education or experience on that topic, but how far do you go to question their expertise?
I guess after all the conversations I’ve had surrounding this question and the reflection I’ve given, I still don’t have a real answer. But I do have an innate instinct to trust that 65+ grey haired lovely with the crow’s feet and wrinkles of wisdom who quietly watches from the wings. This person would never refer to themselves as an expert and instead offers an ear rather than advice. Secretly, you know they have a wealth of knowledge, kindness and forgiveness—an ability to truly live and let live. This is what makes them the expert to me.
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